Londoner Kirat Assi was in a relationship from 2009-2018. Kirat was deeply in love, and the relationship progressed to a proposal of marriage - which she happily accepted. The only problem was that she had never actually met this man in person. In a shocking turn of events, Kirat discovered the disturbing truth of who she was in a relationship with. Netflix’s documentary delves into the dangers of online dating and the laws, or lacktherof, around ‘catfishing’.

According to Surrey Police, romance fraud is defined as “the engineering of a supposed friendship or relationship for fraudulent financial gain.” For Kirat Assi, a prominent member of the Sikh community, her perpetrator stole something far more valuable than money—eight crucial years of her life. For a woman who longed for marriage and children, those years were vital for her biological clock, leading her to invest time and energy in a non-existent relationship. The Netflix documentary, released on October 16th, has sparked mixed reactions, with some engaging in victim-blaming, calling Kirat ‘stupid’ and claiming the profile was ‘clearly fake.’ Directed by Lyttanya Shannon, the film portrays Kirat as an ambitious and intelligent young woman when ‘Bobby’ entered her life, ultimately serving as a cautionary tale about how even savvy individuals can fall victim to deception.

How Kirat Met ‘Bobby’

In 2009, Kirat received a Facebook message from a profile named ‘Bobby Jandu.’ At the time, she was a 29-year-old radio presenter on a Punjabi station, building a promising career in media. Since her cousin, Simran Bhogal, had previously dated Mr. Jandu’s brother, Kirat trusted the profile's authenticity. Facebook had launched just five years earlier, and the term ‘catfish’—coined by Nev Schulman in 2010—was not yet widely recognised, leaving users generally unaware of the risks of online manipulation and scams.

The Price of Lies

Shannon primarily tells the story through interviews with Kirat and dramatizations of her Facebook text exchanges. As Kirat's relationship with ‘Bobby’ evolved beyond friendship, numerous new profiles linked to him began to emerge. Eventually, Kirat found herself communicating daily with about fifty fake profiles, all claiming to be friends or relatives of ‘Bobby.’ What makes this case particularly shocking is the extent of the deception. Not only did ‘Bobby’ and Kirat become engaged and discuss plans for a family, but he also forged separate relationships with her family and friends, creating a safe space for them to share secrets and trust him. Kirat even quit her job at the radio station due to ‘Bobby’s’ jealousy over her interactions with listeners.

After nearly nine years of emotional turmoil, Kirat hired a private investigator and confronted the real Bobby Jandu at his doorstep. Faced with the truth, the ‘catfish’ revealed her identity: Kirat's cousin, Simran, simply stated, “It was all me.”

Shannon’s documentary highlights the profound impact of ‘catfishing’ on victims. In Kirat's extreme case, she invested her trust, time, future, and even her physical self into a false relationship. A particularly unsettling moment in the documentary hints at sexual conversations with ‘Bobby,’ suggesting exchanges of explicit images or virtual encounters.

While financial loss or physical exploitation under false pretences might warrant police involvement, for Kirat, the lasting violation of her time and trust raises an important question: is this not a greater loss than money?

The Laws Around Catfishing

Simply put, ‘catfishing’ is not illegal in the UK. Legal action can only be pursued in cases involving ‘revenge porn,’ harassment, or fraudulent financial gain. The Malicious Communications Act of 1988 and the Communications Act of 2003 do not address online impersonation unless it involves someone in public office.

Kirat's motivation for speaking out is to combat the stigma faced by victims of ‘catfishing’ and advocate for stronger laws against perpetrators. Research by BetMinded indicates that nearly 40% of 25–34-year-olds in the UK have interacted with a fake profile. As these numbers continue to rise, ‘nightmare’ experiences like Kirat’s underscore the seriousness of the issue and the need to re-examine laws surrounding ‘catfishing’ to reflect the realities of modern society.